They Will Know We Are Christians by Our Love

Ben Fitzgerald-Fye, Ruling ElderUntil the age of 28, I was an agnostic, an atheist, and whatever other non-Christian thing came my way as I embarked on a determined path of anti-religious revolution.  I did not grow up in a necessarily religious family and my view of Christianity was influenced a great deal by media.  I decided very early on in my development as a young gay man that if God hated me I was gonna hate him right back.  I became a crusader against all things Christian.  Every time religion was a topic, I used every ounce of my intellect and wit to attack, dismantle, and destroy the faithful and the faith.  Religion was a destructive force that had to be stopped before it hurt anymore gay people.  I was tearing down metaphorical churches as fast as I could find them.  Religion, as portrayed in the media, had been a source of pain and I was fighting back.  Religion had been the reason my teenage self would pray for God to end his existence.  As a matter of survival, I had to flee it or attack it.  At that time, I could not separate affirming faith from abusive religion.  To me, there was no difference.At the age of 28, something happened that would completely change my personal spiritual journey.  At the age of 28, I felt the supernatural hand of God move in my life for the first time.  At the age of 28, I met my husband Sean and my soul would never be the same.  You see, Sean was what one might call an evangelical at that time and his faith was a strong central theme in his life.  I, of course, thought he was insane.  As unlikely a pair as we were, we began dating immediately and it didn’t take long for me to realize that I was in love with this very Christian person.  I loved him more than anything and that love made it difficult for me to attack, dismantle, or destroy his beliefs.  Instead, my love for him did something incredible, it allowed me to listen.  I listened to Sean talk about the unconditional love that God had for his people and the universal access to salvation that we all had through faith.  He talked about the work of Jesus in a way that was filled with light and acceptance and love.  He explained his own faith journey to me and contrasted that with the abusive voices of bigotry that framed my own generalization of religious people.  Sean loved God and Sean loved me and that reality began to build a bridge that would reshape my view of faith, of Christianity, and of God.As our relationship grew stronger, I listened more to the faithful part of Sean.  He never preached and he never forced the issue, he just lived his life.  It was easy to see that faith was a factor in the goodness and the decency that made Sean such an incredible human being.  I was living with a person of faith who did not have a single trait that I had associated with religious people.  If I was going to love this person unconditionally, I had to be willing to examine what faith meant to him and what faith meant to me.  In Sean, I saw a person who was never forced to deny himself or hate himself because of religion.  In fact, he had been taught to love who he was and to embrace himself as a child of God.  For him, being gay and being Christian was never a conflict.  For me, it was nothing but conflict.  I often told him that being gay and being Christian was impossible and contradictory because you could not believe in a God that sought to condemn and destroy you.  For me, faith and self-acceptance were incompatible to say the least.  With incredible patience, Sean would respond by talking about a God of love who did not create us for anything but love and salvation.  If nothing else, I decided to take a second look at the God that was so loved by the one I loved so much.In my way, I began to study and to read. I discovered a whole world of voices that spoke truth to bigotry.  I learned that there were Christians in this world who did not hate and who believed that the Bible was a book of tolerance and affirmation. The heart of the atheist was beginning to soften and religion became a source of hope and inspiration.  The journey continued after we moved back to small town PA and, after several years, decided to look for a church.  By chance, I found a listing for our local Presbyterian church on a website that listed affirming congregations.  Here, in a hometown I associated with bigoted faith, was this gay friendly Presbyterian church.  My best friend and I started to visit on Sundays and Sean came a few times also.  The minister was, and still is, a voice of love for all people and a passionate advocate for inclusion and acceptance.  I began to love this church and its members.  They were loving people who immediately reached out to us.  As a result, Sean and I joined this little Presbyterian congregation and I was officially baptized at 36 years of age.  I am now an elder in our church and Sean is on track to join the church leadership himself.  At a recent Presbytery meeting, I had a chance to speak out in favor of Amendment 14-F alongside our pastor in hopes of furthering the work of inclusion.  My faith is strong and Sean and I are celebrating 11 years together.If I am going to be honest, my relationship with God is still sometimes complicated and I still argue about religion now and then.  Through all of this, if I am asked when I became a Christian, I will always give the same answer.  At the age of 28 I met Sean and it was the first time I ever felt the hand of God moving in my life.  That very moment I was introduced to a love that allowed faith to become a possibility.  Sean and I were legally married in New York when it was legalized and are now legally married in our home state.  We are planning have our marriage blessed in our church this summer.  We have been through good and bad, richer and poorer, sickness and health, and everything in between.  We believe that our marriage to one another is a reflection of Christ’s commitment to the church.  We believe that marriage is a serious commitment between two people who will love each other, support each other, and remain faithful to each other no matter what.  For us, marriage and faith are issues of love and fidelity that play a central role in our lives.  Love and marriage taught me to examine and ultimately embrace faith.  Ours is a Christian marriage built on love and founded in faith.