"Covenant and Marriage: What Do We Say When a Gay Christian Couple Ask to be Married?"
A Sermon on Genesis 9:8-17 and I Corinthians 13William L. Hathaway
First Presbyterian Church, Annapolis, MarylandFebruary 3, 2013
I care a great deal about marriage; the health of your marriages and the strength of the institution of marriage. Strong and faithful marriages are one of the keys to our well being. My marriage is fundamental to my life; I’ve been fortunate to be with Alison for over 35 years and the vows that we made are integral to who we are and how we live every single day. I counted the weddings this week and discovered that I have led worship for 210 couples who have sought out the church to exchange their vows “before God and these witnesses.” I have witnessed these men and women making the joyful and solemn promise to be “loving and faithful in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health as long as we both shall live.” To say the truth, like every minister I know, I have a great deal of frustration with the “wedding industry,” that brings, for too many, an obscene outlay of money and turns worship into a photo op. Yet, even with this discomfort and the difficult rate of divorce, I have never soured on the importance of marriage. In fact, I have a sense that the giving and receiving of promises is at the very heart of being human and living in faith. To be fully human is to make promises and to enter into covenant, with God, with loved ones and, for some, with a spouse. It is a remarkable thing to stand in the presence of God and the community of family and friends to pledge one’s life to one other person. It is an amazing expression of trust and hope when two imperfect persons, with all their strengths, weaknesses, foibles and weirdness actually pledge to be together whatever comes their way. On account of the fact that marriage is so important to our well being and to the health of the community I have come to the conclusion that both the church and the state need to extend the rights and responsibilities of marriage to same sex couples. Like many in this room, my mind has changed over the years but I believe that it is the right thing to do and the faithful thing to do even if it is not yet the majority opinion within the PCUSA. This morning let me say a word about faith, sexuality and marriage. For many, same sex marriage is hardly controversial and you’ve been waiting for decades for the church to come around. For some this feels wrong or untimely. Others may be all over the board but irritated that the issues of gays and marriage take up so much emotional energy within the church. But, we owe our gay friends and members a response and we owe our children moral guidance.
Let me back up a bit. If, for example, you believe that being homosexual is bad or sinful, then the discussion of marriage makes no sense. There is no way that the church should sanction sin. Yet, a majority of Americans and, now, a majority of Presbyterians have come to the realization that sexual morality is about behavior not orientation. While gay and straight people alike may experiment or make very poor choices about their sexual behavior, being gay is not a choice, it is an orientation; something given. The moral choices are about behavior not orientation. Those of us who care deeply about moral behavior affirm certain rules; rules that are built upon the values of fidelity, honesty and kindness. But, the rules are the same for gay folks as for straight folks. It is all about fidelity, honesty and kindness.
“What about the Bible?” good Christians ask (quite appropriately). The Bible says little about homosexuality and what was said was within the context of the abuse of soldiers and the all too frequent use of rape as a tool of oppression. Jesus said nothing about homosexuality and as New Testament scholar Brian Blount describes the First Century, “Homosexuality as we presently understand it wasn’t a part of their secular or religious vocabulary. No one talked in terms of genetic predisposition or early social conditioning/learning, or as a way of life, or a nurturing, caring partnership of two people. That is because such a concept did not exist.” While homosexuality certainly existed, the concept of loving committed same sex relations simply was not within the framework of First Century Jewish thought. But we live in an age of same sex couples who love each other, care for each other, worry about raising their children and, of all things, live in the suburbs and fret over crab grass. Granted, life has changed at lightning speed but life has in fact changed.
Does this mean that the Bible is irrelevant? No, not at all. What it means is that we need to bring our Bible and our faith to a reality that did not exist at the time when Jesus walked the earth. We also turn to some of the core concepts of the Bible and not “cherry pick” a few stray verses. And, as Protestants, we interpret the Bible using the Bible. Namely, details of the Bible are interpreted in light of the basic themes of the Bible. I propose that the best way to look at marriage is through the biblical concepts of covenant and love.
You’ll notice that I am not starting with marriage. For marriage has a long, complex and changing history in the Bible. I love when folks flippantly speak about “biblical marriage.” What does that mean? Are you talking about polygamy of the style of Solomon who was reported to have had 700 wives and 300 hundred concubines? (I Kings 11:1,3) Are we talking about levirate marriage, the tradition and rule of a widow marrying the brother of her deceased husband so that the family name could be carried on? Are we talking about marriage as a transfer of property from one male authority to another, which is, in fact, the most prominent view of marriage for most of the Bible and most of human history? Up until recent years our Presbyterian Church’s “Marriage Service” had the line, “Who giveth this Woman to be married to this Man?” That utterly sexist question harkens back to the tradition of marriage as a transaction between men with the woman being a commodity. We don’t do that anymore and we don’t have that line in our service anymore. Marriage has fundamentally changed in our world; a change for the good. When couples meet with me, I say that they can write their own vows and look at different prayers, but to be married in the Presbyterian Church means that we assume the equal status, rights and respect of both men and women in the church, in society and in the language of the wedding service.
What does the Bible and our faith have to say about marriage given the radical changes in marriage over the decades? The core values are covenant and kindness or, using other words, promise and love. “At its deepest level,” biblical scholar O. J. Baab writes, “marriage is a personal-sexual-spiritual companionship ordained and instituted by God. This interpretation rests upon the biblical experience of marriage in the light of the biblical faith in the God who is both Creator and Redeemer.” (The Interpreter’s Dictionary of the Bible, “Marriage” Vol. 3, p. 286)
The reading from Genesis includes the first use of the word “covenant” in the Bible. The rest of the Hebrew scripture and Christian scripture elaborate on the theme. Faith is fundamentally about covenant: the promises that God makes to us and we make to God. And, in turn, the core of our lives – morally, existentially and quite practically - is all about the promises that we make in our day to day living. It is a powerful thing to raise a hand or to take a hand and make a solemn vow. Yet that is what makes us consciously moral agents and fully human.
As people of faith we are called to love God and love neighbor (as Jesus summarized the law). The rule of love is our guide. Yes, we have laws, the Ten Commandments to bracket our lives, but they flow out of the rule of love. I Corinthians 13 is the most famous description of love in the Bible. It is read at many weddings even though those in attendance who have no church ties have no idea that it is from the Bible. (Back in the early 80’s I had one person say, “That was a wonderful reading about love. Did Rod McKuen write it?) Yes, I Corinthians 13 is a great reading for weddings even if that is not what Paul had in mind. He was writing the bickering, contentious church in Corinth, known for arrogant leaders and feuding factions. In chapter 12 of his letter, Paul writes about the diversity of people in the church and how, while different, each has a place within the body of Christ. He ends that chapter with the line: “And I will show you a still more excellent way.” What is that way? It is chapter 13 – love. Love is the bottom line, even for all of us “who see in a mirror dimly.” Yes, “faith, hope and love abide, these three, and the greatest of these is love.”
Because I care deeply about the integrity of marriage and base my faith upon the foundation of covenant and love, I ask the church as well as the state to extend the right and responsibility of marriage to same sex partners. By the way, this is a change for me. As recently as five years ago I spoke on the floor of the Presbytery against marriage in favor of civil unions. Yes, I’ve long held the view that gay and lesbian members are equal in the eyes of God and the church to straight members but I was a bit troubled by the marriage language, thinking that civil unions would be adequate to support our gay and lesbian neighbors. Two things changed me. The first, the practical: To give a gay couple rights that married couples enjoy around issues of inheritance, hospital visitation, even burying the dead would require over a thousand changes in Maryland law. Yet, one action - legal marriage – grants all the rights and responsibilities. The second reason I changed my mind was from the heart. When I attended the wedding of two women who were legally and faithfully joined together in their 12th year of being together, I realized that they were doing the very same thing that Alison and I did 35 years ago. Fundamentally, there is no difference. Their witness to covenant and love supports my commitment to covenant and love.
Please note, I am speaking as your pastor today, not for the congregation. The voice of the congregation is our Session. I am not speaking for our denomination; the General Assembly does that. Today, I am inviting the conversation. Some congregations are choosing to host same sex marriages as a witness to the broader church and a proclamation of what they believe is the will of God, but, as of today, the policy of our beloved PCUSA limits marriage to heterosexual couples. I believe that it is time to change.
Thank you for hanging in for a sermon that is more like a theological address. So let me end with a story. My mom will turn 90 next month. Yes, we will gather in Minnesota in two weeks to raise a toast to her (when else would one like to visit Minnesota!). She is a strong woman with deep conservative and traditional mid-west roots. Recently I sent her a copy of Martha Johnson’s first novel about a young gay man in the Presbyterian Church. My Mom read it and is passing it around her apartment building among a group of 80 and 90 year olds. My ears perked when she said, “I did not know any gay persons growing up; I had no idea how hard it would be for them.” The book is going around her apartment building for the local church, across the street, has been on a campaign to oppose gay marriages and to “out” the gays within the congregation, even, rumor has it, denying them communion. Her friends are upset. Many are confused and conflicted. “Why,” my mother asks “would we hurt these people?” For Mom and a growing group of her friends it comes down to kindness. It is the ethic of love.
“Now, faith, hope and love abide, these three, and the greatest of these is love.”
Notes:
- The book reference at the end of the sermon is In our Midst (2012) by Martha Johnson, an elder within the church and a former Clerk of Session of our congregation.
- I was asked after worship, “Haven’t we already made this change?” Good question. The PCUSA made a significant change when the rules for ordination were adjusted to allow a congregation to ordain a homosexual person to be an elder or deacon and the presbytery to ordain a homosexual candidate to be a minister. The rules on marriage have yet to change.
