"Wedding Games"

A Sermon by the Rev. Dr. Robert J. CampbellJohn 8:2-11, I Corinthians 13Text: “Where you go I will go, your people shall be my people and your God my God.” Ruth 1:16

The Church of the CovenantCleveland, OhioSeptember 30, 2012A Princeton scholar has revealed an ancient piece of papyrus that purportedly comes from the cradle of civilization. It is about the size of a business card and on it are words of Jesus saying, “my wife can be a disciple.” There is now a great debate surrounding its authenticity and meaning, The Da Vinci Code notwithstanding. Yet, even if it would be found to be part of some unknown manuscript, does it make any difference in your faith? Should it? “Born of the virgin Mary,” we say, but how important is that? “Suffered under Pontius Pilate.” History. “Was crucified,” more history. “Dead and buried.” Yes again. “Descended into hell.” Who knows? “Rose from the dead and sits with God.” Is this God revealed? This is the center of all Christian faith. Nothing else is really important until that gets answered in a person’s mind and heart. Not whether Jesus walked on water, calmed a storm, fed a bunch of hungry people or made water turn to wine. Only this one sentence carries the entire can of Christian worms. Jesus had a wife, maybe, or maybe not, but what difference does it make?I had a couple come to me a number of years back. I was serving in a part of the country where a lot of Presbyterian Churches considered anyone who has any struggle with gender issues as hell bound. This couple had a problem. They wanted me to marry them, or at least bless their relationship. They had lived in “sin,” whatever that means, for nearly ten years. They wanted to acknowledge before God, and before others that covenant of their love for one another. This is, by the way, probably the most important aspect of any marriage service.I agreed to perform such a union. It was skirting the law if not breaking it. The fellow had just turned ninety and his partner? Well, she would soon be eight- six. They needed their separate social security checks to live. You thought I was going somewhere else with that. But what difference does it make?The Episcopal Church now has something that looks like a wedding service for same sex couples. It finds its form as “common prayer” rather than confessional formula which is often the case with the Anglican Church. It comes close to what is called the “solemnization of matrimony” yet a nuptial it is not. It strenuously avoids using the words marriage but simply affirms that a couple can be “bound to one another in holy covenant as long as they both shall live.” Whether this can be accepted in those states where same sex marriage is permitted is up to the lawyers and courts to decide.(1)Now, while Episcopalians sometimes have historically made decisions that are more political than theological, I like to tease my liturgical brothers and sisters that the Anglican Church came into existence over the need to allow a king to get married. Still, we Presbyterians continue to do what we are so good at, talking about something while endless souls wait in sadness for recognition of their mutual love.At our own General Assembly this past summer we decided not to re-define marriage as a contract between “two persons” instead of between “a man and a woman” and we still don’t officially allow our clergy to perform such blessings, even in states where it is acceptable by law. Putting a spin on the action, four of our executives, in a joint pastoral letter, declared that deliberations, often lasting to the early morning hours, reflected “a church graciously and respectfully” caring for its members. The vote of commissioners was 308 to 338 to not support their committee’s recommendation. We will continue discernment over the next two years. The wedding games!The Gospel of John, of which this morning’s portion may or may not be part of the original, speaks of another time of change and fear in a culture. A bunch of men drag a woman without rights before Jesus. Obviously it’s a set-up: she was “caught in the act” but no man gets accused. Jesus draws in the sand, perhaps one of those little fish we see on car bumpers to signify a Christian. Then he tells the woman “sin no more.” Doesn’t that translate “hate the sin, love the sinner"? But wait a minute, that’s not the punch line. Given how that sentence hangs out by itself, most likely it’s an even later addition and, by the way, who are the real sinners? Those clamoring for judgment? Maybe even Jesus whom they were trying to trap? Who are the sinners? All Jesus says is, “Let the one who hasn’t sinned toss that first rock.” And there is the punch line!What happens? “They all fall away beginning with the oldest.” A funny little phrase, yet what is it Corinthians says, “When I was a child I thought like a child and now that I’m grown,” something about “seeing through a glass dimly yet one day seeing clearly.” Could it be that life’s experiences have taught those older gentlemen something? “They all fall away, beginning with the oldest.” Why is it humans, especially religious folk, are so ready to judge on God’s behalf?Let us remember some things about marriage as we know it. Its present form is of relatively recent history and what we have today, lifted high by the wedding industry, is pretty far from that event in Cana of Galilee to which Jesus was invited. Moreover a lot of opposition to “same gender union” has to do with a part of society’s homophobic hang-ups. If we want to really lift high the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman we best start putting a lot more emphasis on teaching couples how to love one another, given the divorce rate in this country.But let’s bring this home. Whenever I have been asked to marry any couple one of the first things I say is that in my mind marriage is a legal contract; it has nothing to do with the church. I go so far as to wait to sign the wedding licenses until the day before the service. I don’t give it to the couple because if something should happen at the last minute to prevent the nuptials from going forward the problems that would ensue would not be complicated by added legal issues. So I keep the license but I tell the couple that “now in church we will speak of why you want to marry and make your covenant with one another before God and all gathered.” It is something Calvin often did during worship on a Sunday. Let me say it quite clearly, “The God I see in all of scripture, the God I believe in, doesn’t give a hang about a person’s gender or age or race or faith background. And therefore we should only care about their love and commitment to one another until death do them part and maybe even beyond!” Like that passage we so love to hear, one woman saying to another woman, “Your people will be my people, where ever thou goest.”Some of you may wonder why I’m even preaching on this. And maybe I am singing to the choir given this church’s commitment to inclusion. But given today’s rhetoric and national debates, with laws being enacted one way or the other, just as with any other issue of justice down through history it is the job of the pulpit to speak the word of an accepting God so that you can speak that word to one person and then to another. And like those twelve ordinary individuals who witnessed what happened that day with Jesus and that woman you too can then begin to change the world that surrounds you. That is how this faith of ours works.It was one of those life sermons in a capsule of gravitas that is understood only when the moment is right. Maybe that’s why it has stayed with me. He was in his late eighties, a conservative warrior for as long as anyone could remember. His favorite grandson, whom he had not seen for long time, was getting married in Massachusetts about six hours away. It would be a small family affair. Because he had been so ardently set on propriety and tradition, the family decided not to say anything but somehow, as grand folk most often do, he found out. And yes his grandson was marrying another man.On the day of the wedding, who showed up, but grandpa. Following the service, with more than a little nervousness around the family circle, he walked to the head of the greeting line and with the gracefulness of a ballroom dancer he embraced groom and groom with tears flowing down their faces. At the reception, with a glass or two of wine under his belt, the son asked his father about his attendance while stammering an apology for not inviting him. In response, his father replied, “My son, as the years go by, you begin to learn that life tends to take all the sweet and leave the crap behind. Then one day, if you have any smarts at all, you begin to realize that in fact maybe it’s you who have quit tasting the sweetness of living. When you are dead, eternity is a long time. So it’s important to taste the joy of the moments God gives whenever you have the chance, and in the end the only important thing to remember is to love. “That arch reformed conservative St. Paul said to the world long before that grandfather, “Love is patient and kind, it’s not jealous nor conceited nor proud, ill-mannered, selfish nor irritable. It doesn’t keep record of wrong but rejoices in truth. Love never gives up; its hope and patience never fail. When all else has fallen love still remains.” It makes a difference! You can make that difference! Games over!1) Charles Hefling, Christian Century, Sept 5, 2012, “It Looks Like A Wedding”